I chose two shows in particular, Record of Youth and Because this is my first life for multiple reasons: they're consistent and have similar plotlines but very different executions: Girl and Boy are lacking something, Girl and/or Boy gain this something through each other and end up in love, family disapproves or work gets in-between their relationship, finally they try to sort through their differences to stay together.
It was "Because This is My First Life" that piqued my interest more into the concept of love itself, as the drama was very self aware of the difficulty of defining one's love. I won't spoil anything, though you can read a summary here or watch it on Netflix. Ji Ho and Sae Hee's struggle to love is in my opinion the most unique out of all tv shows I have seen. Ji Ho is most worried about losing herself and her independence, something she doesn't just encounter as an issue with Sae Hee, but also in her work environment. Her and her friends decisions to distance themselves from their partners is not a defense mechanism but to preserve themselves from a literal romantic entanglement. Independence isn't something valued within relationships, in South Korea or the States. There are incentives and social pressures to combine finances, family and friends, resulting in required codependency on one another's lives to survive. But that dependency makes you forget about yourself; which Ji Ho referenced multiple times within the show. She mentions "To Room 19", a book by Doris Lessing, a book about a wife who is slowly driven crazy from the lack of independence and privacy, and when she finally attains it, she lies about having an affair to preserve it. Initially I thought the notion was ridiculous, that Ji Ho is being dramatic by not explaining her worry about her loss of persona, resulting in her leaving Sae Hee's side for awhile in the show. But towards the end I resonated with her deeply about the apprehension of a relationship and how difficult conveying it to your partner can be. It may come across cold and pensive, but it's quite a thoughtful perspective on love. Through preserving your independence- taking time for yourself-you're improving your relationship with not just your partner but your friends and family. It allows you time to think inwards, ponder introspectively, recall important decisions and reflect on choices. While humans are inherently codependent on each other to survive, we also are very unique- we are our own universes. From what I have seen in the states, in New Hampshire, in Florida, and friends and family around me, the number one reason why people have broken up is because they forget about themselves. Not in the sense of basic necessities, but in the sense of doing what they love, exploring themselves and then sharing that with their partner. I see couples get caught up in each other all the time, but as a result they lose self discipline, they lose their boundaries and end up disregarding the other person because they are too involved or even too comfortable with them. Remembering that you are an individual and your lover is an individual instead of living for the other person is what keeps passion alive, and it is probably what results in long loving marriages instead of long loveless ones.
The second drama, Record of Youth, was regarded as lackluster by fans, but is worth discussing regardless. You can read the summary here or watch it on Netflix. In it, Hye Jun and Jeong Ha end up becoming distant as a result of their careers taking them in two separate directions. The open ending where after years of separation they cross paths again- had most fans satisfied but irritated with the show, and while I agree it did have it's flaws, I really liked the messages the show had to convey. Hye Jun had worked for years against his family's dismissal of his dreams as an actor, and along the way he met Jeong Ha with her own dreams as a makeup artist. Once Hye Jun's career began taking off, Jeong Ha and him had less and less time to spend together, resulting in Jeong Ha feeling more lonely and longing for him- feelings she felt distracted her while she wanted to focus on growing her own career. She explains her reasoning explicitly as she didn't want to be Hye Juns "emotional outlet" and felt guilty every time he apologized for being absent due to work. Jeong Ha rejecting the emotional burden of a partners is unrealistic, but in my interpretation of the show it wasn't because she didn't want to deal with Hye Jun's issues, it was that she wasn't ready due to her becoming accustomed to complete independence from a young age; and she frankly didn't have the time for an apologetic partner. In this context, while her explanation left a lot unsaid, it was still a mature and praiseworthy decision. She knew she wasn't well equipped to be there for Hye Jun emotionally, on top of which dealing with feelings of worry, longing and guilt are unnecessarily exhausting when starting ones own business. It is not to say two career oriented individuals cannot be together, but it displays a realistic view of emotional exhaustion and taking responsibility before an unfixable falling out.
No relationship is perfect, but over dependence on a partner can trap you in a toxic relationship with them or yourself. But reliance and honesty with your partner is required for a successful one. However, sometimes you are at a point in your life when love cannot make the top three on your to do list and that is okay. As one friend put it, people's interactions or relationships with each other are like strings, and sometimes they cross over and get tangled, remain side by side or cross at a moment. Regardless of whatever type of relationship you enter, romantic or not, moderation is needed. Obsessiveness is too romanticized and normalized, in more the United States out of the two countries in my opinion. When comparing the realistic view those two South Korean romances took about love, it made me question the American view on love, and whether or not we have too many unrealistic and unhealthy notions.
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